Real

Franz is a genius.

2010-09-17T19:42:00.001-07:00

So i found my new favorite quote.
I don't know why i like it so much, but i do.
I'm in love with it.
If it were a man, i'd marry it.

For your enjoyment, i'll bold that parts that i love the most.

I think we ought to read only the kind of books that wound and stab us. We need the books that affect us like a disaster, that grieve us deeply, like the death of someone we love more than ourselves, like being banished into forests far from everyone, like a suicide. A book must be the axe for the frozen sea inside us.
-Franz Kafka

AMAZON.COM and the rantings of a bored lonely girl

2010-09-16T18:44:00.000-07:00

AHHH. I haven't posted in so long. It's 6:44...i'm bored. I'm at boyfriends show, it's his birthday.

All day he's been using this "I'm 18" thing as an excuse to be a jerk.
He sits on me. He calls me kiddo.

I've had enough, but yet, i still like him. Hm. it's weird, right?

I went to the VMA's the other weekend, and that was great. I got to see Selena, who i miss terribly. (we had meatloaf the other night before i flew out here to boyfriend)

I saw Justin, and i saw Kesha, she's a sweety. I met SNOOKI! HAHAHA. It was wonderful!

Overall, it was a good weekend, but i really really really miss MTSMD.
I mean, DemDem and i are together now and we've been together all summer, BUT WE MISS OUR GIRLIES.

But good news, Saturday is Emily's (my co-star, my bff, my girl)seventeenth birthday. I'm throwing her a huge surprise party that night with all of our friends. It'll be kickin.

Right now i'm on the phone with my dad cause he can't figure out amazon.com...
Well...yeah.

"Shipping to Meagan...blah blah." Yep. My daddy.

So overall, all is good, i love you all!

And btw, my order has been received...THANKS AMAZON.

Godbless the Kingston Family

2010-08-01T22:27:00.000-07:00

Today, I visited a childrens hospital here in Chicago. Along with meeting many beautiful children, i met a family.
A single father, raising two daughters. Jenna, who is 8, and Kayleigh, who is only 3 years old.

Kayleigh has Neuroblastoma, a rare cancer in infants. She onky has 2 weeks left to live-at the most.
Her father, Rob is only 34 years old, and spending everyday in the hospital with his sick daughter, and his healthy daughter.
Kayleigh sleeps a lot, eats little, and gets weaker with every day.

I was so deeply touched by Rob's devotion to his two precious daughters that i gave them three tickets to come see the august 6th show.
I sat with Kayleigh, Jenna and Rob today for 4 hours, just talking, playing with Jenna while Rob met with doctors and workers of hospice.

When Jenna and i were in a playroom, she explained how excited she was to see the show.
"I hope kayleigh will make it." She said calmly.
I didn't know what to say. This little girl had to hope that her younger sister would live 5 more days to see a concert.

I held my tears in as we walked back to the room.
I soon had to leave, But told Rob, Jenna and Kayleigh that i would come visit often, and email the girls to check in.

I have never cried so much in my life for someone else.

God bless Rob and his beautiful angels as they spend their 9th night in the hospital.

So now it's 12:37am and i cant sleep. Upset about how im tired and i want to sleep.

But hey, i have the good life here. Im in Chicago, getting ready to go on Tour, and im complaining.

Sometimes, i make myself sick.

Haphazardly attending triple date triathlons!

2010-07-30T21:33:00.001-07:00

Wow. I can't believe it's been 2 years.
I remember summer 2008 like it was yesterday. My sister was taking drivers ed, and Nick and I were obsessed with the word "haphazardly", seriously, we used it ALL THE TIME.

Nick: "Hey look at those cars, they're parked so haphazardly."
Me: "AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH."

Honestly, that was summer 08.

That, and going to In n Out with Kevin and Joe, triple dates with the 3 of them plus T and Dani, and the famous famous famous famous triathlon that i attended with the boys and my friend Robin.

Honestly, its crazy to think that all of that was 2 years ago.

Overall, i have the best boyfriend in the world, so here's to him and all his creepiness!

I LOVE YOU BOYFRIENDDDD<3

loveeeeeeeeeeeeee,
meagan

final thoughts

2010-07-25T20:21:00.001-07:00

It is July 25th, 2010 at 11:21 pm, East Coast time.
I am in Atlanta, GA, filming my first ever movie, Perfect Harmony.
This is our last night of filming!!!!
Tomorrow i wake up, film, and then hop on a plane to big D<3

I'm absolutely thrilled that i got the chance to work with all the wonderful people that worked on this movie! I've had a great time.

But now, i'm pumped to see my boyfriend (who i havent seen in a month..literally.)and go on TOURRRRRR<3

I've been waiting for tour for so long. SO LONG..

scooter races and sparkly nails

2010-07-20T22:13:00.000-07:00

The past few days have been wonderful.
I flew to Seattle to see the bieb. Love him.
I'm on tour with him now, hanging out.
We got yogurt yesterday, and watched youtube videos all night.
Today was spent mostly at my house pour moi.
I watched some tv with my little brother and sister, whom i haven't seen in forever.That was nice.
I chatted on the phone with Taylor, and texted Demi a lot.

I then rehearsed, because i sang two songs! AT THE STAPLES CENTER. I LOVE THE STAPLES CENTER.

OOOHHHH!
Justin and I found this awesome scooter in the venue today, just sitting there, all lonely in the hallway. It has 3 WHEELS! How cool is that?! Like i dont even care that i sound like im 6 years old, i think that a scooter with 3 wheels is killer. I posted a picture of it, go check it out and be amazed. So after we found the scooter, we rode it around the venue and said to everyone we saw "DO YOU SEE THIS SCOOTER? IT HAS 3 WHEELS. IT'S HELLA AWESOME." and bragged to everyone about how if no one claims it, we will take it with us to Paso Robles come tonight after the show.

We then decided to have team races. Bieber Team vs. Gunnip Team
I am proud to say that my small but mighty team of Me, Scott, Peter (my guitar tech), Josh (my gay bestie), and Jessica (my fabulous assistant) took down the team of Justin, Scooter, Kenny, Ryan and Tay.

It was a victory if i've ever seen one.

I had a killer sandwich for dinner, and then i performed, and boy, it was great.
After performing, i was watching TV in the green room (because i couldnt find any security to escort me into the crowd to see Patty and Joe, and actually be in the audience for a concert...) WHEN I SAW CATS ON A SUBWAY COMMERCIAL. and when i say catS (PLURAL) i mean like 50 cats dressed in marching band outfits. It was marvelous.

Then i painted my nails with 3 different types of glitter nail polish.
Big silver sparkles
Tiny gold sparkles
tiny purple blue and silver sparkles mixed

It looks like a fairy threw up on my nails.
I love it.

I figured my nails are festive enough for Vegas, since i'll be there in like two days.

So for now, goodbye.

loveyoulotsssss!
meagan

I need AC and to catch up with some FRENNNSS

2010-07-14T21:36:00.000-07:00

So lately...hm.

A lot has been happening. We've been filming intensely every day.
We're almost done with half of the movie.

Actually, we're done with more than half of the movie.
We're done with 2/3 of the movie.

I have a week hiatus coming up. Because when i was on hiatus. recently, everyone else wasn't, so im getting double hiatus.

Wow, lets count how many times i just hiatus.

So yes, basically, i have a week to do whatever i want. Maybe i'll take an actual vacation.
Maybe i'll visit my friends in LA.
Maybe i'll go to texas.
I don't know.

But basically, it's 11:39, and we JUST finished working on movie stuffs.

I actually got to go tubing today with some friends, and it looks like they might use some shots of it for the movie, so T, Bri, Claire and Josh, you might be in my movie.

It's hot. This house does not have air conditioning. Remind me next time i live somewhere for a movie to rent a house with AC.

I'm excited to get back to my routine of I'm Only Me filming. You know, september-February, 9-2. Everyday. Hollywood Center Studios.

Anyway, goodnight loves<3

Album #2 and Scott

2010-07-08T20:27:00.000-07:00

So album #2 is on it's way. Technically, it's album number 4. But legally, professionally, it's number 2.

Album cover is picked, and about 30% of the songs are done. HA. 30% yes, i know, not a lot.
Well hey, i'll be recording a lot tennessee.

And can i just say that Scott, my manager is the funniest person alive.
He eats bananas fast. In fact, i have a video of him going "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. FASTEST WAY TO EAT A BANANA." and then he breaks it in half and squeezes it down his throat. Its rather hilarious. That's what happens when we're bored on set.

But yes, i fly to Tennessee tomorrow morning, and my bffffffx1000000 Robin is going to meet me there.

I'll record.
I'll shoot.
I'll even take time to see Taylor.

Life is good :)

Good/ Walnut Creek

2010-07-05T21:40:00.000-07:00

So i was just in LA for a week. Saturday to Saturday.
It was wonderful. I spent a week with some friends from CT and my cast volunteering at local food banks, and other work sites to benefit the homeless.

We met a group of kids from Walnut Creek, California, who were there to do the same things. We ended up becoming friends and working together for the better part of the week.

So basically, i love them. They were the best, and i'll be posting a video soon of the week we spent together.

I'm in CT now, and i fly to Tennessee on wednesday to work more on the movie...
Life is good.
boyfriend is good.
everything is good.

wonderful (15)

2010-06-16T14:22:00.000-07:00

Tennessee has been wonderful to me.(that rhymed..yes i know.)

But honestly, these fields...there's something absolutely wonderful about them.

I've got to see Taylor, and even Miley for a while.

The cast is wonderful, the crew is wonderful, and i'm having a wonderful time.

The house that i'm staying in with my family is wonderful.
It's yellow, with a red door, and little flower boxes under the windows.

There's a rope swing out front, and a deck in the back with a pool.

It's surrounded by open fields, and conveniently located on the same street as the house we're filming in.

Some of my wonderful trips are coming up. Aka flying to LA to see my big sissy graduate, flying to CT to kick off summer with my old friends (A WONDERFUL TRADITION.) and then taking a trip with the church group back in CT to LA.

That will be wonderful.

Emily my co-star is going to be flying into Tennessee later in July, for a while.

It's all going to be wonderful.

I wonder how many times i've said wonderful.
Lets count.
11.

Somewhere in between my wonderful (12) trips and filming, i get to hang out with boyfriend for more than 19 hours...

Boyfriend is wonderful (13 ohhh hayyy tayyy). I'm so proud of him.

Overall, life is wonderful. (14)

p.s. i bet the title makes more sense now...

it's good to be back

2010-06-06T16:56:00.001-07:00

1 year and 10 months is a long time when you're 16.
too much time to completely forget what happened in said time span.

i have a hiatus for 3 days starting tomorrow, because our DP's (director of photography) is having a baby!!! YAYAYAYAY. Her name is Jane and she will be giving birth to little Kayleigh Marie sometime Monday night.

SOOOOOOO. In my 3 days, i'm flying to london. i'll arrive in london at 11:25am east coast time, which means 5:25 there...

i stay over night, and then depart at 2pm they're time, which means i'll get home 1amish here, they're time, aka 7pm here, wednesday night.

(it took me some time to do that math..)

i'm flying a total of approximately 8400 miles in 22 hours just to spend 19 hours a creepy guy i know :)

so the point of all of this was basically say :
"boyfriend of 1 year and 10 months, it's good to be back."

10.21.19.20.9.14 and late night explanations

2010-06-01T19:52:00.000-07:00

Today was a great day. I cried, i laughed, and i did both so hard that i have a 6 pack, just from today.

i'm ridiculously sunburned, i miss my best friends, i miss 10.21.19.20.9.14, i miss my family, my friends who are still in school (HAH!) and i miss being home.

I'm terribly sore from water-skiing and tubing this weekend, and i'm so tired, even i'm wondering why i'm still awake.

but today was so unbelievably awesome that i dont care.

i giant meteor could be shooting towards earth ready to kill us all and i would still be smiling.

time for an explanation.
just kidding, it won't be too much of one.

i have this friend, his name is 10.21.19.20.9.14...
i need something better to call him than that..don't worry, we're working on it.
today we filmed some really good scenes.

friday, we hit wilmington, and then later this month we head to Tennessee.
WHICH WILL BE AWESOME. I have a boat load of friends who live right around where we will be filming, so it'll be super fun to see them all.

i fly home to LA on the 17, right in time to see my older sister graduate high school.

I'm flying home to CT on the 22 and stay til the 26, right in time to start off summer with my CT friends.

Somewhere in between those two is some quality time with 10.21.19.20.9.14.

My laptop is almost dead, which means i should go to bed.
that just rhymed.

alright.
i love you all! :)
Meagan

Less Than Nothing

2010-05-25T14:11:00.001-07:00

You know what stinks? Knowing the potential of something, but knowing it will never get there.

Knowing that something or even someone is in the way, and is keeping you from getting what you want is a terrible feeling.

Lately, the word nothing has been on my mind. I've been waiting to write a song about this feeling, and somehow incorporate the word nothing in the song.

So here's what Jack and I have got so far for the chorus:

Cause you and i will never be
anymore than they see
We just have to believe
that is our reality
You and i will never be
anymore than they see
And sadly all that they see
is simply less than nothing

I think i'm going to call it "Less Than Nothing."
It fits good, right?
I know how terrible that feeling is. The feeling of being less than nothing, or at least feeling like you're less than nothing.

Silent Piece of Nothing

2010-05-20T14:28:00.000-07:00

Most people assume that the hardest part of breaking up is, well, breaking up.

Most of the people that don't agree with that statement would say that the hardest part of breaking up is the period of time after breaking. When you suddenly realize how empty everything feels without that person.

I don't know about you, but i think that the hardest part of breaking up is the time period before you break up. When it's all going downhill.
I feel this because you know it's happening. You know it's falling, breaking, dying, but you don't know if you can bring it back to life.

No one wants to talk about the dying relationship that lies in a pile on the floor, but everyone can see it.
Everyone who knows how beautiful and uncrumpled it once was can see how terrible it is now, even if no one talks about it.

It's a silent piece of nothing, sitting there, waiting to be either thrown out the window, or picked up and fixed.

But no one wants to make the decision of what to do with it.
And most of the time, no one does anything until the gods of fate decide for you, and throw it out the window themselves.

But the worst thing is, all of it goes without being said.
It's gone, dead, done, and forgotten before you can even save it.

brazil/summer/TOUR

2010-05-17T19:18:00.000-07:00

Well, can i just say that i love brazil.
I love going there.
I've been twice now.
And each time i went, i got a piece of jewelry.
Both of which i found today, and that's why i'm thinking of this.
One is a brazillian mood ring that basically is just cool.
and the other is a necklace.
Its a scene of an island with a hut on it, a palm tree and the ocean. The background is made of a butterfly wing, and it's super old. I got it at an antique store.

So yeah, i love Brazil.
I've been laying low lately.
Just going to school, chilling with my friends, and my creepy boyfriend and his family.

One thing i really like about my job is the schedule i'm on.
I may not be ending the school year in june, since i don't really go to normal school, but my summer does begin. For me, ending season 2 and leaving to film in Georgia and TN, then going on tour is like summer.

TOUR.
TOUR.
I CAN'T WAIT.
IHAOHFSHFOH<3

My mystart window background is hello kitty.
just saying.

love hello kitty.
love her.
love tour.
i love a lot of things.

EEEEEM HAS A BOYFRIEND. his name is Zach. He's nice.
I don't know if i'm really allowed to say that, but hey, it'll be on T-TV mags in a few weeks.

Alright, so yes. Tonight Miley's song comes out at midnight. I hope y'all are buying it.
I am.
At midnight.
YUP.

Alright.
Lotsofloveeeee,
meagan

green and leafy

2010-05-12T19:17:00.000-07:00

You know what song i'm obsessed with?
Need You Now by Lady Antebellum.
PURE GENIUS.

So boyfriend and i have some sort of time off now.
Kind of laying low for a while.
I have absolutely nothing to do, so i'm just hanging out at home, school, visiting some friends.

Hope you saw that JB is on GMA with Dem tomorrow :)
You should check it out...

It's 7:19...I'm getting ready to go out tonight with some friends and crew and party it up. LA style.

I got to see Miley today.
On accident, we bumbed into each other, it was funny.

I'm so excited for tour, you don't even know.
Being stuck on a bus with your best friends isn't as bad as it sounds.
It's definitely as great as it sounds though, if it sounds good to you.

I love May. It's quite possibly my favorite month. Everything is so alive, and green and leafy. It's great. It reminds me of brazil. South America in general just reminds me of leafy greenness. I don't know why, i mean, S.A. isn't anymore green and leafy than the rest of the America's...

I'm pumped to get back to work on the movie, starting May 24th!
It'll be fun to hang out in the South East corner of the U.S.

So yeah, hope everyone is good, and i can't wait to get this summer going! :P

love alwayssssssssss,
meagan:)

I CAN'T WAIT FOR TOUR.

2010-05-03T18:09:00.000-07:00

You know what i've noticed?

Ever time i write a new blog, i click the little title box first.
Yet everytime, i change my mind and say "I'm not gonna pick a title until i'm done. That way it'll be relevant."

That's that same way i am with songs. A lot of people start with the title.
I don't.
Normally what happens is I get an idea. Somebody says something, or i say something, or i read something that sparks something inside me that then says:
HEY. I CAN MAKE THAT INTO LYRICS.

Then i find the nearest piano.
I sit.
I take my songbook out (its always with me) and write.

Normally i get the chorus first, because that always has to be the most catchy part, then the verses come after.

The bridge is always the last thing i do. I think it's the hardest.

But enough about songs.

Right now, i'm sitting on my couch in my living room, watching TV with my little sister.

I AM SO EXCITED FOR TOUR.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.

As of right now, i'm in the audience for for 2 shows.
One in CA with all of our friends there, and then one in CT with all of our friends here.

Tour is the best thing.
Every night before i fall asleep, i think about how awesome tour is going to be.

84 DAYS UNTIL TOUR.
(can you tell im excited?)

Filming is set to begin on May 24th back in ATL.
Then we move to SC.
Then the hills of Georgia, and all around.
That will be fun.

For now, love you all.
AND TOUR.
(my boyfriend was squealing like a little girl today he's so excited)

xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxxo
(i cant wait for tour!)
Meagannnnnnn :)

p.s. i just signed my name, then made the title, then wrote this. okay. bye.

ATL/last couple of days...

2010-04-22T20:41:00.000-07:00

Right now, i'm sitting in a hotel room in Atlanta.
I love it here.

The past few days have been great.
My birthday was amazing. The shows in LA were great.
I flew here, and started work.
First, we had some LD days, or otherwise known as Line Delivery.
We went through character development, which is basically individual work with the acting coach on your character.

Charlotte shaping up quite nicely.
Although she's kind of grungy in the beginning, and has purple hair, she's gonna be awesome.

Lucas, my co-star is hilarious.
I think he might be one of the funniest people i know.
Tonight, we went to friendly's with some of the cast.
He locked his keys in the car, and we had to wait for someone to bring their car.

I miss Emily.
I miss a lot of people.

But filming a movie is going to be worth it.
I haven't been writing a lot lately.

But a week before i came, i wrote 4 good ones, so that'll hold me until, well, tomorrow.

anyway. i'm home now, in a hotel room. we film tomorrow.
YAY.

i never thought i'd be staying in a cool cuty for 2 months.
i never thought i'd work with such great people.
i never thought i'd star in a movie.

Eeem and Meag

2010-04-08T17:42:00.000-07:00

I have a TV show.
It's called "I'm Only Me"
I have a co-star.
Her name is Emily.

Right now, it's 5:42, and I am sitting in my chair that says my name on the back.
I never thought I'd get a chair that said "Meagan Gunnip" on it.

I'm watching Emily film a scene where she's telling her father that she's going on a road trip with my character, Melody.

It's kind of a long story.

But anyway, Melody, and Kaitlin go on a road trip, and thats how the season ends.

Tonight is Emily and I's last night on set for season 2.

There is a season 3, but we don't start production until September...

Early tomorrow morning, I fly to CT, like I've explained, and for the first time, Emily is coming with me.

Emily is one of the people that I am most thankful for.
Over the past (hmm thinking how long i've known her) 4 years, Emily has truly become like a sister to me.

Emily will tell you the story over and over.

I walk up to her, at the beach, my first time in California.

Me: "Hi! I'm 10! Are you 10?"
Em: "Yeah...Hi."
Me: "Can I hang out with you? Cause I don't know anyone!"
Em: "Sure..."

You know how many times i've heard it?

Little did I know that the blonde girl i met at the beach in 2006 would end up working on my TV show. Or let alone, being my best friend.

Auditions in 2008 was the second time I met Emily. After waiting in line for 3 hours, I auditioned, and went home.

3 Days later, i was called back to read with the best friend character, who's name then was Rachel.

When I walked into the room, i did't know it was Emily. I didn't recognize her, and she didn't recognize me, we were both older.

We were so pumped to be called back together and read for the parts that we ended up winging half the scene. When the director, AD and 3 Producers saw our natural chemistry, we got the parts.

Secret #457 Emily calls me Meag (pronounced MEE-AHG) and I call her Eeem (pronounced Ea-m)

So basically, I'm sitting here watching my best friend, my sister, my partner in crime, the yin to my yang, the chocolate to my cake (okay, that was just weird) film a scene to our tv show!

I never thought i'd star in my own show.
I never thought i'd have an album.
I never thought i'd be on the radio.
I never thought i'd meet a friend like Emily.

16 CANDLES, SEASON FINALE.

2010-04-07T14:19:00.001-07:00

I'm on break right now at work.
Emily and I are filming the first adventure scene of the season finale.
Which is kind of sad when you think about it.
We film this, today, and tomorrow, and then i fly home with my dad to see some friends for my 16th birthday.
I'm back in LA to rehearse for the week, and perform in front of about, let's say, 3,000 people the night before my birthday, and the night of my birthday.
after the concert on my birthday, i'm doing a private show for some close friends and family at the knitting factory, but it's totally hush-hush, so let's forget i ever said that.

I can't believe i'm turning another year older.
It feels like yesterday i was 5 and in 1st grade, now it's 10 years later, and look where i am.

I feel extremely thankful for all that i have!

Emily is filming a scene right now with her "father", before we head off on our road trip.

road trip? what? season finale?

anyway, HOUR LONG EPISODE is going to be awesome, and i'm quite sure it airs on June 16th at 8pm on channel 55, for those of you who live where i do...

Have i ever mentioned how much i love Emily? A LOT.
She's the best friend i could ever ask for, and i'm gonna go upload a picture of her from our NYC trip in the winter...
anyway.

I love you all, and thank you for another wonderful year!

Life could not get any better.

2010-04-03T19:20:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in this cute little bed and breakfast on an island.

Life could not get any better.

(I get to surf in this movie.)

There are arm chairs with red and yellow designs.

Life could not get any better.

(I get to have an older brother in this movie.)

Seriously, this is the cutest little bed and breakfast/inn i have ever seen.

I hang out here for tomorrow, and have a quiet Easter on the island with my mom and brother and two sisters. Then i fly home tomorrow night, and go to work monday morning.

5 episodes left until i'm done filming season 2!

My little sister is watching High School Musical 2.

I'm actually really tired, so i am going to make some phone calls to friends in LA, and then go to bed!

aprimay plans...

2010-03-22T19:32:00.000-07:00

so...life has been going well. we finish filming the second season soon, and then i have a while off!
in april i'll be performing at the wiltern on the 16th, then flying to New York for a day or two.
after that, i fly to LA to hang out for a week. then it's to CT to hang for some time before georgia!
for most of may i'll be down there filming perfect harmony, which will now be referred to
as PH...

then tour? what? who said tour?

right now im at nick's house. he's not here. im just chillin with maya and the dog that is almost as in love with me as his owner is...
*shivers and remembers all the times on the tour bus late at night alone with elvis*

im super tired. i have work in the am, and who knows what after that!
love y'all...
i hang out with texans too much. all my super close friends are from texas!

Rain coats and duffel bags and socks.

2010-03-11T15:36:00.000-08:00

Well, thanks mom and dad. You just got me a ticket to the underworld for my sweet sixteen.

It's not even my birthday, and it's already stinking...

My parent's have decided to FORCE me to go on a retreat with the kids from my church.

In the woods.
For 2 nights.
Hiking.
Northern California.

Ouch.

I'm packing right now, well, taking a break. My duffel bag is so big i could fit my 60 pound golden retriever inside. It looks like i'm going on tour, not away for the weekend.

I hope i don't look out of place in my PINK sweatshirt with sequins, or my La Emilie Claire Jeans. Sorry church kids, i don't really own any "clothes for cold weather!"

Apparently i'm supposed to pack rain gear. What's that?

Rain coat? I don't have one?
Poncho? Those went out of style 3 years ago.

I'm bringing 6 pairs of socks. Just in case.

I don't get to wear jewelry.
which is stupid.
I like jewelry.

I can't bring my phone. Or camera.
But i'm sneaking them.

I hate the wilderness.

SO HAPPY.

2010-03-09T14:52:00.000-08:00

you know what stinks?

being too happy to write a song.

no really. that's how happy i am right now.
i'm sitting in my dressing room, doing some homework, while the cast tapes some scenes im not in.

i'm having a super good day, for no reason really.

so i'm sitting here with my song book, on the couch, with my phone.
i get a text from nick.

i reply, and pick up my pencil again and bring it to the paper.
i can't think of anything.

words cannot describe how happy i feel.

i guess i'm glad that i'm having a happy writers block.

because let me tell you, there are times when im sobbing at the piano because i can't rhyme a stupid word with deserve.

or the times when i get to mad i snap the pencil im holding and bang on some minor chords until i'm afraid the piano will break.

those, are not good times.

anyway, back to work. history DBQ's for my oss teacher, and lots and lots of book writing.

the perfect moment

2010-03-07T20:15:00.000-08:00

alright. well.

i'm sitting on a plane in between two annoying people.
have you ever loved someone so much, but hated them at the same time?
yeah, me too.
like right now.

they're video taping me writing this blog.
D: what are you writing?
N: she's writing a blog.
M: yeah.
D: i want peanuts.
N: that's so cliche. peanuts on an airplane?
M: yeah that is cliche.
D: but i like peanuts.
N: so do i but you don't see me ordering them on a plane.
D: well i like dogs but you don't see me ordering one of those do you?
M: shut up. that didn't even make sense, D. this conversation is over.
D: *mumbled* it did too make sense.

As annoying as they are, there's something about this moment that is very relaxing.
two people i love sitting close, good music playing on my ipod, the quiet chatter surrounding us. the light from my laptop glowing dimly on the semi-dark plane.

there's something i call the perfect moment.
there are no words to describe it.
it's just the moment when you get that unbelievable happy feeling when you love life, god, your friends, when you love even the most annoying things and the biggest fears.

it's the moment when the windows are down, the music is playing and it's sunny out.

or it's even the moment when the rain is splattering against the side of the tour bus, and your falling asleep to the latest john mayer.

or it's even the moment you sign the contract to do a season 3 with disney, or a second album.

it's whatever you want it to be.

A lot of things are going wrong right now.

my phone is ringing, but i can't reach it.
i can't sleep.
my throat hurts from so much screaming.
my stomach hurts from so much fair food.

but even because of these two annoying, loud, obnoxious people, and the bad feelings in my body, and the uneasy noises, this, is no doubt, the perfect moment.

TwinCo, Reunions and wins...

2010-03-06T20:58:00.000-08:00

tonight, i went to a concert.
not only was it awesome, but there was a
british hot bass player.
win.

right after the concert, i saw some friends who drove down from BigD
also a win.

we decided to go to twinco, since its only cool at night.
we meade friends with some kids, because i was fake crying and they kept looking.
they blew starw wrappers, then came up to us, said they lived in Santa Monica, and were fans of mine.
another win.

we drove back to the hotel, and i walked into my room only to see myt boyfriend sitting there with my mom and my sister.

i'm going to bed early, because it's going to be an early morning...
there are people outside the hotel, and i can hear screams and noise from the rodeo.

not to self, next time we all should book a hotel FURTHER from the rodeo...

to sprinkles, cop shows, and hotel staff (:

2010-03-04T18:54:00.000-08:00

well, im sitting cross legged on the couch in the living room of the hotel room.

Jessica (my WONDERFUL assistant) is putting clothes away in the dresser in the bed room.

my sister is sitting at the other end, on the phone with some room service person.

"Hi, can i have a hot chocolate with whipped cream and sprinkles?"
"What? You don't have sprinkles? Why not?"
"Oh yeah, that is weird."
"Well what other toppings do you have?"
This conversation has been going on for about 3 minutes.

She's 10. She's hilarious.

My mom is showering, and told Emily to order dinner for us all, since we didn't each much on the plane.

I had a good time being home. Em enjoyed it a lot too.

So now, i have this weekend to party it up Houston style with my little sister, and then i get to see Nick on saturday. I think.

To be honest, i never know what im doing. unless im in LA and filming, because thats the same everyday.

But when im somewhere i normally am not, and doing something i normally am not, i don't have a clue.

Let's just say without Jess, i wouldnt make it.

"Uh, yeah the little round sprinkles are okay i guess."

Ah. Family. Theres something about the familiarity and comfort of people you know and love.

"YEAH! I AM IN TOWN FOR THE RODEO. MY SISTER'S BOYFRIEND AND HER BEST FRIENDS ARE PLAYING SUNDAY."

Did i mention Emily totally milks this whole "my sister's boyfriend" thing?

"Yeah i get to go see it. DUH. She's my sister."

I really want to know who is on the other end.

Some cop show is playing on the TV, and theres a giant chase scene happening.

"Alright. Thanks."

SHE'S GETTING OFF.

Alright, it's cool it was "Stacy. She checked for sprinkles for me!"

I love hotel staff.
they're always so nice.

On that note, i'm gonna go watch some mad cop show, unpack, eat dinner, shower, sleep, and party.

life is good<3

2010-03-03T19:37:00.000-08:00

well, i made it.
tomorrow night i fly to texas for the weekend, until monday.
then i fly to LA, film, work, OSS, the usual.
being home was fun, i guess you could say it was TOTALLY AWESOME.
we stayed inside mostly, because of my hate of snow, but we managed to make a wonderfully cute snowman outside emily's window.
we went out to coffe, before my friends had rehearsal, which i watched.
we made a scene in the parking lot by singing RENT, and dancing through puddles.
the opposite war isn't peace, it's creation.

so yes. being home was awesome.
because, well, in thw words of a friend of mine,
you'll always find you're way back home.

"To rhythm, power, feeling, harmony,
And heavy competition!"
oh rent, you own my soul<3

Friends are the most important thing...

2010-03-02T15:16:00.000-08:00

friends are some of the most important things in the world.
especially when you live a life as crazy as mine.
i'm sitting at my kitchen counter with Lucy and Jake. (stupid Jake insisted on visiting)

we're waiting to eat some dinner, and then we're going to watch tv and be normal.

Lucy has always been here for me, always flying out to my shows, always cancelling plans for when i come into town.

she's always been my best friend, and i love her.

Jake on the other hand...
well, yeah, i like him too.

I'm here until friday morning, when i fly to dallas and hang out there for a while, and then back to LA.

back to the harsh reality of hollywood.

A one way ticket home.

2010-02-25T18:41:00.000-08:00

You know you've changed when you hand up on your best friend, because you have something better to do.

maybe i'm not really the same person i was before.
before i moved.
before i signed.
before now.

out of all people, they've all been the most important.
the three who have brought this epiphany upon me,
the ones who helped me see that i need to change.

i used to be all about the moment.
i didn't care what time it was.
i did't care if i was late to a meeting,or late to filming.

i cared about where i was, and who i was with.
most importantly, i cared about how i treated other people.
lately, that's changed.

remember yesterday, when i blogged about the summer back home?
that's my home. not the house that i have in connecticut.
not the street i live on, or even the town.
the people, the experiences and events that have happened there are really what make me call it home.

through everything, those people are there for me.

through everything, i'm not there for them.

my best friend back home always talked to me about the problems here in LA.
the new people, the snobby people, the nice people.

my sister has always talked to me about the problems here in LA.

my mom has always talked to me about the problems here in LA.

these are the people i've let down most.

today on set, when i hung up on my best friend, i didn't see what was wrong.

my assistant, and good friend Jess, asked why i hung up on her.

"Well, i have to film, she can wait."

As the words came out of my mouth i realized what was happening.
i wasn't the same Meagan i was.

I called her back, and apologized, but she said the same thing that was going through my mind.

You've changed. What's wrong with you?

She hung up on me this time, and she had every right to.

i tried to clear my head, and take a walk, so i could finish the episode.

But after an hour or so, i realized what i needed to do.

i picked up my phone and dialed a familiar number.

"Hi, i need 5 tickets for JFK. Tomorrow, if possible."
"When will you be returning?"
"After however long it takes."

So i'm saying goodbye to LA for a while, and i'm going twitter free. So i'm leaving my laptop here, and my phone, and my ipod.

Sorry Lucy, you've always been there for me, and i'm not going to let you down.

open fields and starry nights

2010-02-24T21:08:00.000-08:00

lately i have been dreaming about the nights when i would play wifdle ball in my front yard with all the neighborhood kids.

last summer when i had time off from tour, we had a reunion.

we ate hot dogs and played wiffle ball and looked at the stars from the field across behind my yard. i live in a rural farm town, in CT.
there are plently of fields, farms, and lots of open land to get lost in.

the first time i brought my best friend home to CT with me was during summer 2008.

we went into the field and looked at the stars for hours before coming home and falling asleep in my little sisters tree house.

we swam in the lake, and went jet skiing and tubing and i even water skied.

i miss summer in CT.
i miss wiffle ball in CT.
i miss the field in CT.
i miss my friends in CT.

summer 2010, i'm going to disconnect from hollywood for one week, and spend time with my family, my friends, an my field. <3

time flies when you grow up too fast.

2010-02-20T21:15:00.000-08:00

Today was a wonderful day.
Some good friends slept over last night, and we had a crazy time.
We went to the movies, and then got late night chinese food.

After eating lots of ice cream, we went and jumped on my trampoline until 2 in the morning. Sorry neighbors, but we all really needed a girls night.

In the beginning of the night, we made a pact.
On the way to the movie, we agreed to turn off our cellphones, and laptops and focus on what was important. Our friends.

It was a nice break, no texts from friends in CT, no texts from the boyfriend, no twitter updates, or facebook notifications.

We focused on what was happening around us, and what we wanted to talk about.
We didn't care what other people were doing, we wanted to be wrapped up in each other.

We sat on the trampoline talking about life, love, and work.
But then we realized : WHY THE HECK WERE WE TALKING ABOUT WORK?

We pushed the thoughts of work, filming, touring, recording and meetings out of our head and tried to be normal teenagers.

We all ranged from the ages 15-17, and we all agreed that we would pretend we were in HIGH SCHOOL.

We told stories about our picture perfect prom, and our typical classes.

too bad thats not real life.

we talked about the future.
getting married, having kids.

we finally went inside at 2, and watched crazy youtube videos of ghosts.
when we finally convinced ourselves that there was nothing in my closet, under my bed, behind my tv, or in my bathroom, we all crowded into my bed. All of us. One bed.

We awoke early, and went to breakfast, then hit the mall.
i got some awesome boots.

we agreed on one thing this weekend.

each and every girl at that sleepover was forced to grow up too fast.
we were working, at the age of 17, 16, or even 15.
we were teenagers, essentially, living an adult life.

filming and summer and running :)

2010-02-18T22:14:00.000-08:00

I've been working this week. Filming away in order to finish the second season by the time summer comes.

I can't wait for summer.

Filming is going great, and the episodes are hilarious. I wake up everyday, excited to get on set and read what i'll get to say today.

I can't wait for the movie this summer.

Speaking of the movie, my character is awesome. Her name is Charlotte. She's spunky, and loud, and she's a photographer. I'm spunky. I'm loud. But i'm not a photographer.

I can't wait to go on tour with my best friends this summer.

I also am looking forward to helping out the community this summer with my Church group from CT. They're flying out here for a week. I'm going to be home at the end of June for a week, because it's my brothers birthday, and then, I'm flying out here with them. For all of them, it's their first time in CA. For most of them, it's their first time out of CT. For one of them, it's just another trip across the country.

that one is me.

i'm sitting in bed right now, im tired.
i've been in the mood to run lately. Tomorrow i'm waking up super early to go on a run before i go to work. I think it will make me feel better.

tonight i'm going to sleep a very happy girl :)

olympics and loneliness

2010-02-15T21:26:00.000-08:00

I'm watching the Olympics right now with my little brother. My older sister is in her room on the phone with Alex, her boyfriend, and my little sister is in her room instant messaging her crush, Chris. My brother is sitting here, texting his girlfriend, Ashley, often glancing up when i cheer on the people on TV.

A commercial comes on, and my excitement takes a momentary break. I look over at my brother, who's texting away, complaining about having to go to school tomorrow, stating that he'd rather work 7:30-3:30 on set like me.

All of a sudden, i feel really lonely. All my siblings are in contact with their significant other, and mine is, once again, no where to be found.

typical.

I sit on the couch in silence, staring blankly ahead, thinking about how i wish i was talking to my boyfriend.

My cellphone starts to ring "Sweet Caroline, BUM BUM BUM. PICK UP YO PHONE."

the personal ring tone he recorded and set for himself.

i secretly wonder if this boy can read me mind.

what does the text say?

" hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii :)"

and suddenly, i'm not lonely.
and everythings okay.

December 31, 2008 Emily's Letter

2010-02-11T18:56:00.000-08:00

Hey Everyone :D

I'm pumped. Totally pumped. Tomorrow, i have to wake up at 6am (BLEH/NORMAL) and go to school. Around 11am im leaving for the airport to go HOME. yes, LA is my home now.

I'm sitting in my bedroom. the same bedroom i used to sit in before i was "somebody."
The walls are the same purple color, the posters are the same, the furniture, the bedding, its all the same.

Sitting on the desk, is a pile of letters from my friends. See, i was staying part time in LA in summer 2008 while auditioning for everything. I didn't know i was moving until November 7th, the day i got the show. I moved on January 2nd, 2009 and life since then has never been the same.

So as i said, theres a pile of letters, all dated December 31st. My group of 14 best friends and i were at a neighbors house on new years eve. It was 3 days before i was leaving, and we were all super sad. They insisted on taking time that night to each write me a personal letter about the 4 years we had been together. I have a favorite...It goes:

Dear Meagan,
I just wanted to say, I love you. I knew from the day i met you at summer camp we were going to be best friends. And no, i knew despite the fact you asked me to be your friend. When we were sitting in the arts and craft shed as tiny little 10 year old, painting out flower pots, you said "You know, one day, i'm going to be famous." Like most ten year olds, you had the dream. You never gave up. And now, in 3 days, you're leaving us all behind to become the person you've longed to be for almost 5 years. But i'm not jumping that far ahead yet.

Remember the first time you did your moose impression? You and Nicole had your mouth filled with grapes, and your fake little antlers on. Remember the first time you threw up in front of me? You ate too much spaghetti, and drank your orange soda too fast. And then there was the time when you held my hair while i puked in your moms bathroom after kissing mark. I know, very cliche, the whole "holding my hair while i puked." But hey, you were an awesome friend and you did it. Thanks for always making me laugh about my psychological biological father. He's crazy, and you are too, but i like you more.

So i guess what i'm trying to say is that you and i are very close. And i know that we'll fly out to see you, and you'll fly here to see us, but i love you, and i'm going to miss you. Tell your boyfriend and his family i say hi when you get out there, and please swim in the pacific for me. Stay up all night partying with your famous friends, and please, stay true to yourself. Don't let the image get the better of you, remember who you are, and where you came from. No, i don't mean THAT place. I mean here, with us. Remember that you'll always be one of the fab 15 no matter how far away you live. Even if it's 5,283.6 miles away, you'll always be close to my heart.
So best friend, go out there and kick some butt, I'll see you on TV.

Your Cheetah Bestie #3, Emily

fantastical (i'm debating whether or not that is a legit word..)

2010-02-09T20:52:00.000-08:00

addiction can be a good thing. depending on what you're addicted to. if it's a book, well, then, it's a wonderful thing.

i love to read, but i often don't have time. I'm either filming, or touring, or rehearsing, or doing promos. but when i finally have time to sit down with a book, nothing can stop me.

besides sleep.

i absolutely love reading books i can relate with. books about modern things, modern people, kids my age. when something is realistic, im a sucker for it, and i could read for days.

i started a book today called "Absolutely Nothing" by Elvira Newton and it is FANTASTICAL.
don't judge me for using that word. i typed fantabulous in that word was a suggestion. i figured i'd roll with it.

is that even a word?

i've never heard it before in my life.

wonderful things about books:

realism (is THAT even a word?)

when the main character speaks like a normal teenage girl

when the emotions they feel are real

when every chapter ends in a cliff-hanger

I LOVE BOOKS. they're so fantastical. alright.

new. favorite. word.

i'm going to try to use that word everyday from now until i turn 16. which is only almost 2 months away. did you know that?

alright. it's 11:58. i have to get some sleep so i can be ready for some snow-pumpin action tomorrow.

LOVE YAZZZZZZ.

i love lemon-y things, and hilary swank, and maybe someimes snow.

2010-02-09T18:26:00.000-08:00

So, as you know, i'm stuck here in Connecticut until Tuesday. Tomorrow, school is canceled. It reminds me of when i was younger. 5 of my best friends live right in the same gated community as me, so we would always sled down the huge hill in my front yard.

So, as you know, i absolutely positively hate snow. But i'm going to make the best of my remaining week here and the foot of the white stuff we're supposed to get.

I'm gonna have all the neighborhood kids over, and we're going to sled. SEE?! NORMAL.

They may think that i'm some hollywood girl now, but tomorrow i'll show 'em that i can still rock it CT style.

Guess what i'm doing right now...?
Watching ESPN. yeah. i'm cool.

I'm also drinking iced tea. Iced tea is my favorite drink ever. It's tea-y. its lemon-y. It's everything you could ever ask for in the form of a drinkable liquid.

Tomorrow, i'm making patisseries. They're these light, lemon-y (I LOVE LEMON THINGS), and tasty. they're simple too. My cousins girlfriend taught me how to make them.

Speaking of cousins girlfriends. okay, well it's not my cousin. My uncle, (my mom's sister's husband) has a brother. His brother is a producer in LA, and is dating Hilary Swank. I met her saturday. Remember when i said that my family was coming up? Well, turns out my uncle tom's brother decided to stop by with her. I was like, WHOA. i love her, and she is such an inspiration. We made plans to meet up for lunch and discuss the business when i return home.

So for now, by the way i think i end every blog with that. But anywho.

So for now, i'm watching ESPN, sipping iced tea, and for once in my life, maybe, a little, tiny-teeny bit, looking forward to the snow.

but not a lot.

keep on moving like you did last summer.

2010-02-02T17:01:00.000-08:00

being in Santa Monica today was wonderful. I was with two of my favorite people, Lynne, and Nick. It was awesome. Lynne and I watched the chat and ate this awesome chicken salad. But the car of people ended up driving away without us, because we were eating salad on the boardwalk...that's when my boyfriend noticed we were missing. feel the love? cause i do.

So what did we do? Buy bathing suits and go swimming, in 50 degree water. Might as well live it up, right?

After doing that all day, we're now sitting in a cafe. They have this awesome tea, and we're eating cranberry scones (lynne's favorite).

We were watching the news, when lynne's mouth dropped open and she looked at me with huge eyes. "I HAVE AN IDEA!" she screamed. then it hit us. I have a credit card, packed with money. Why don't we just rent a hotel room, and stay over, then go home tomorrow?

DUH. that's brilliant. Props to you Lynney.

So for now, we're going to finish this up, and then go find a hotel.

Living on the moment reminds me a lot of last summer.

Last summer was the best.

Summer 2008 was better.

I'll have to tell you about Summer 2008 another time.

Living on the moment = AWESOME.

jake's a desperate housewife...

2010-01-24T18:44:00.000-08:00

Jake is here. the best photographer in the world. him and robby have nice competitions, but its all good. anyway, he likes to video-tape everything and anything i do. I guess it's okay, because its for you guys to watch once its edited and uploaded to my site.

As he was video-taping me earlier, i was making one of those betty crocker warm delights things. I was getting ready to watch desperate housewives on hulu, i haven't watched in a couple weeks. I go into the living room, and sat down and started watching. thats when it hit me. Jake was talking to me about whatever, and i said something along the lines of "Yeah, well this is what i do on my friday night? no it's sunday." then it hit me. this is what most people do on a sunday night. Watch their favorite show and eat cake. Yep.

normal practically sang in my head. the only difference is that most people are gonna wake up and go to school tomorrow, meanwhile, im going to wake up, get on a jet and fly to san jose. Then i'm going to perform in front of a couple thousand people. Yep, not normal.

I'm continuing my normalness by watching camp rock on disney channel right now. SEE? FAN!

I'm not going to lie. Tour is getting a little, i don't know, tedious. I love performing, the shows are always fun, but the constant traveling and being away from my friends and family is starting to get old. Especially when you hear about the fun my friends are having back at ColAcad without me. And it makes me miss my bestie. My girl. I miss hee. I get to see her soon, i believe. YAY.

OH! today, on the way home, i was watching 13 going on 30. When Jenna went home to see her parents, i cried like a baby. She had realized what she'd done wrong, and she went home to try and make some things right. It really hit close to home for me, because i miss my mom right now.

For now, i'm going to watch desperate housewives/camp rock. whoa. that would be weird, if the characters from camp rock were on desperate housewives, or vice versa.

i miss kilco. it was so fun to be up there with everyone.

i was actually texting aly the other day, we were talking about oatmeal cookies, inside joke.

anyway, i love you.

meagan

2010-01-21T18:39:00.000-08:00

i've been enjoying a relaxing day today. i wrote a couple songs, drank at least 4 cups of tea and studied like a normal sophmore...

why? because at the last minute my teacher decided to give me a make-shift midterm...ew.

so for all you high school student out there, i feel your pain. i mean, its not as bad i guess as you have it, but im not going without some testing this time of year either.

OH. and. about the problem with the wcserver fansite. i have noooo idea what is going on. I talked to Jonny today, our wonderful site manager, and he said he was trying to fix the whole proxy thing going on. don't know what that is? its all good, me neither.

so yeah. its 6:43. well at least to my body. i still don't know where i am. im at the elko arena still. we drive to stockton tomorrow morning. so maybe i'll wake up in the same place as i went to sleep in the night before.

i had a wonderful time today with emily. she's here for the weekend. she lives in LA down the street from me and went to school with me. until i left this year. shes awesome. she loves babies, and her favorite show is Jon & Kate plus eight. she helped me study for my mid-termish thing. it was fun. we sent a funny email to one of her teachers. he knows me, i had him before i Colburn Academy to film the show and tour. he's an awesome history teacher. props to you mr. holyst. so yes. that was fun.

i pretty much had a good day relaxing with emily. she gave me a mani-pedi. much needed. thanks em.

love,
meagan

2010-01-20T16:46:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed that news people smile, no matter what the news is? They talk about death, murder, and all kinds of terrible happenings around the world. They ALWAYS smile. I like people who smile, but smiling while you're talking about the latest murder, is not appreciated...

I'm in Elko tonight. The place of deer. It's 4:50. Or 5:50. I'm not actually sure. My bus time is set to 3:50, pacific time, and so is my computer and phone. I should probably go in and find out, because i might need to do sound check...uh oh. No...someone would have come to get me if i need to be somewhere. And right now, i need to be alone. I miss my best friend.

I slept pretty much all day, meanwhile missing 4 calls from my best friend. My best friend always calls when he wakes up, and when he has a moment. and then before he goes to bed, which lucky for me, is always around 3am.

You know what im excited about? This whole Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien feud. I love them both, so i guess i can't say im excited about this feud. Conan O'Brien actually has house down the street from my dad's house in Washington, CT. Which is awesome. I met him twice. And i've met Jay once. They're both super nice, and i wish the best for them both.

But you know what i really wanted to say when i said "you know what im excited about?" I wanted to say that tonight Selena is on Jay. Which is awesome. It's on at 7pm...well in LA. So that means, either 8 or 9. which means i miss it. BLEH. good thing i know how to use a tivo! just kidding, because i don't. Good thing my little brother knows how to use a tivo!

Well i have to go.
I love you.

meagan <3

deer suits and spa trips

2010-01-19T19:20:00.000-08:00

when im bored, i edit. edit whatever i can get my hands on. pictures, videos, songs, whatever. right now, i can't exactly say im bored, but im not doing anything fun yet.

im sitting in my dressing room. actually, scratch that. im sitting in a room with my name on the door. it doesn't belong to me, and im glad it doesnt. anything that belongs to me has much more style :) not to say that these decorators didnt do a wonderful job, because really, they did.

so anyway, im sitting here. it's 7:20. i hear my opening band start to play and i silently sit here alone missing my best friend. he's probably doing something similar right now.

actually, scratch that. he's actually on now. but whatever.

i was with him this weekend. it was kind of nice. besides that fact that i had to put up with cold weather, and stinky cities...it was totally and completely worth it.

i sometimes hate how i'd do anything for him.
my best friend. my everything.

jerk.

but not really :)

anywayyyyyys. i'm on at 8. I love doing thing. sorta.
i mean, don't get me wrong, i love performing, and dancing, and singing, and playing. i love it.
but sometimes it's nice to spend a quiet weekend with my friends or family. i would give anything to have a week at a spa, or someplace secluded with a friend or two. that would be nice.

well, hey. after february, i think, tour ends. and maybe i can do that. i actually don't know what the date is that our ends. but i can check. hold up.

The 27th. of January. that's close. we end in Las Vegas. SWEET, HUH!?

guess what. tomorrow, we play elko nevada, and im looking forward to it. ya know why?
cause the name reminds me of a deer.

100 bucks to the first person i see in a deer suit in the crowd tomorrow night.

my best friend would laugh at that. he's roll his eyes and say something like "if someone actually wears a deer suit, you'll be freaked out. and you'll think its creepy."

then i'd laugh and disagree, only to admit it after fake arguing for 10 minutes.
that's just the way i am.

So, sorry im so random, and i enjoy telling you about deer and my best friend and my spa dream.
sorry i just said the word deer and spa in the same sentence.

i have to go. i better go to bed right after i perform, because my best friend always calls in the middle of the night just to talk. its nice. and annoying. but hey, it's the best i'm gonna get until january 27th when i can be with my best friend again.

sorryaboutthedeerandspathingthattotallyruinedspasforever,
meagan

2010-01-04T19:08:00.001-08:00

Well. here i am. Sitting in a chair that says my name, in a room that says my name on the door. I'm in here, alone.

I can't tell how i'm feeling. i'm feeling nervous, excited, happy. It's a feeling of a bunch of feelings, all mushed together into one giant feeling.

My room is right near the entrance to the stage. This building is one giant oval hallway, and a couple of side hallways. My dressing room is kind of sad looking. It's white walls hang over the white floor, with a carpet in the center.

so yeah. 15 minutes.
well.
yeah. i gotta go do a cheer of some sort and a prayer.
and then rock out.

imsonervousimgonnapeemypants
meagan

2010-01-03T20:42:00.000-08:00

there's nothing like the sound of a baby crying or a man throwing up. nope, nothing beats that.

except the serenity of an ipod on a busy plane. I was trying to write my book, but noooo! the world has different plans for this star.

I was thinking about what to name my book. It's the story of my life, until now. I have been toying around with some other names, like "This is the Beginning." or "Just the Beginning." something that shows im not done with my journey. I'm only in the start.

Then it hit me. i need sleep. Alright, if you haven't figured it out yet, im random.
and right now im randomly blogging because im stuck on a 3 1/2 to 4 hour flight to somewhere where it snows. And if you know anything about me, you know i hate snow.

on that note.
goodnight.

imwaytootiredtobetypingrightnow
meagan

2010-01-03T19:16:00.000-08:00

You know how i always get so emotional when something big is about to happen? Well right now, is no exception.

It's 7:17pm, January 4th, 2010. I'm sitting in LAX waiting to board a first class flight to Seattle, Washington, where i will perform the first show on my first headlinging tour, all by myself. I'm not opening for anyone, or making a guest appearance like i've done in the past. This one, is about me.

You never realize how big something really is until your waiting to get on the plane that brings you to it. Or in most people's cases, until you're about to do it. I never thought about it, until now, really. I knew tour was coming. Heck, i rehearsed for a month before. But the sudden realization is overwhelming.

My family is close by, along with my assistant, and some of my crew. There's a pile of luggage sitting next to me, patiently awaiting the conveyor belt. The pile of luggage, however, does not belong to everyone sitting around me. It belongs to me. It's everything i need for almost 2 months.

I look around and notice somethings missing. Not something, but someone. Not someone. Him. He's missing. And of course, i've grown accustom to being apart. After a year and a half, one learns to be independent, even in the scariest of times. Times when i wish he was here, he's used to this kind of stuff. He's used to opening nights, to lock downs, to everything. So am i. But it's different. All my life, i was used to doing that for other people. Mostly him. I was there for his lock downs, his opening nights. And on my first time, he's not around.

It's not his fault. I know that, but it's hard to deal with the fact that someone you love so much isn't around for something you're proud of. Something i know he's proud of, but something he can't be there for.

I'm sure it will happen again, but this time, it's hard.

All at once, i'm feeling sad, because i miss him, happy, because im going on tour, lonely, because no one else is talking, and i'm writing a blog to people who aren't listening yet.

Have i ever mentioned i cry too much?

It's come to the point where when i cry, people don't bother asking why.
My phone is ringing.
False alarm.
It was my sisters.

So anyway. I never knew how much i had to say until i opened this blog and let it all pour out. It's good to think about things, even if it's right before they're happening. Better think about it at all, than not, right?

Excuse me, i have to catch a flight to a concert. Whose, you might ask?
and now, for the first time in my life, i can say:
"Mine."

i-really-hope-i-don't-cry-the-whole-way-there
Meagan

Realization

2009-12-31T16:03:00.001-08:00

i am sitting here, at my computer, in the bathroom, getting ready. I was putting on mascara, when i realized, i couldn't get my eyelashes just right. But then i realized, it was because i was crying. I started crying more, as i realized i was crying. But then it hit me, this year, was, overall, a great year.

As the year comes to a close, i prepare to rock out with my favorite people on earth. Some of them, anyway. I get to spend time with my favorite family on the planet, besides my own, me extended family, friends, and loved ones. I wish i could be with my family on this night, but i know that it's hard to be with everyone at once.

Have you ever cried when you hear a song that hits you? Yeah, it happens a lot to me. There are songs that make you feel luckier then ever, like Time of Our Lives, by Miley (another great person that i won't see tonight!), or Love for a Child, by Jason Mraz, which makes me feel terribly sad and makes me think about the divorce of my parents.

The songs that make you feel something are a good reminder of how you feel. You may not always be thinking about those feelings, like i wasn't thinking about how good this year was until now, when its almost gone. But it's nice to know that all the things that happened to me this year, really, truly mean something.

I would like to thank everyone who made this year possible for me. All my crew and staff, my co-stars, who i secretly hate ;), and all of my 2nd family. Without them, it would be impossible for me to have had such a great year. Since i spend almost 6 months with them a year, it's great that we can all be so close.

I've had a wild ride, huh? I was shot into this world of glamour as a tiny little 14 year old. I've grown, i've matured, but the feelings i'm feeling right now will never change. Seriously, im crying like a baby right now. I'm always so emotional. But i really want you to understand how grateful i am for all of this. I'll never be able to get across to you the feeling you give me, the love, the wonderful chance you've given.

So with exactly 6 hours and 44 minutes left of 2009, i love you.

no really, i love you,
a lot. more then you'll ever know.
yeah.

meagan, you're best friend, even if you've never met me.
im normal, like always.
thank you.

alright. for real now.
thank you.
Meagan.

2009 is a bad number...

2009-12-31T12:47:00.000-08:00

I've never been a a fan of the number 9. It always seemed so weird, so odd. (haha that was a lame math joke.) This year, even though it was 2009, was a wonderful year. It was a year of many firsts. First Ellen special, first Oprah, First album, First magazine cover, first time in Europe. In a weird way, i think 9 might be a lucky number for me. I was nominated for 9 teen tv awards, i won 9. My boyfriend and i celebrated our 9 month anniversary in 2009. I officially moved to California on November 9th, two days after my show was signed. My middle name has 9 letters in it. Yeah, 9 is my new lucky number. I just laughed at myself. My first sentence was "I've never been a fan of the number 9." Until now, i guess. Channel 9 is on tv right now. I'm going to a party at 9. 9 is everywhere, i tell you. This year has been amazing, and i have the best fans in the world. I'm so pumped about this new MeaganSpace, that you all have started. That's awesome. Thanks for making my album number 1 for it's first 9 weeks out. That was killer. Thanks for making my tv show a smash hit, and thanks for making me a smash hit. My CT natives are all very proud, and we owe it all to you.

iloveyouuuuuallll!
Meagan

2009-12-30T12:19:00.001-08:00

i love new years eve. can i just say that? i love them. SO MUCH. it's better than my birthday, because i don't have to worry about getting gifts i don't like..i hate surprises. New years eve is totally predictable. The midnight kiss, is somewhat creepy, when you share it with someone as creepy as my boyfriend :) But besides that, the night is good. You hang out with friends, family and celebrate a clean slate. Except for the previous stuff you still have to do with. It's also gonna be good because it will be the last time i party before tour. SAN DIEGO HERE I COME. well, i'm coming other places too, but mostly i'm ready for san diego. i take everything one step at a time. So for now, yay, happy new year.

lotsssssofffffloveeee!
Meg

Procrastination in it's finest form...

2009-12-29T13:19:00.000-08:00

So here i am. Blogging. I'm supposed to be writing a book. A book that i have to finish by April...It's January. I have a lot more to do in my book, too. But i thought i would show you this true part of me. The part that puts things off until the last minute. I probably will stay up all night on March 31st writing 40 zillion pages in my book. I'm also writing a song now. Figures. Today was a good day. I went out to breakfast with my sister and Lucy. Then we picked up my sister's boyfriend and went to Target, also known as the best store on earth...but yes, today was a success. I came home, watched tv, and fell asleep. Which was very nice, because i often don't have time to take a nap, let alone watch tv. So it was nice to kill two birds with one stone. OH AND GET THIS. I'm invited to a party tomorrow, that all my old friends are gonna be at. I mean, i still talk to them all, but i never get to hang out with them unless i go to their school. So that will be most of my day tomorrow, at least 5 hours anyway. I fly to LA on the 3rd to pack for a good 2 months or so of tour, and then i hit the road on the 4th with my first show in San Diego. Do these blogs have limits? I'm getting closed to the last spaces in the box, but i want to push it and see how far it'll go. I'm like that, i cross the line as if it's my job. By the way, i entered a new line at the word "line," so i guess that answers my question. I feel like i'm in oss right now. My on set teacher always makes me have free writes, which are fun. I've always loved to write, because i could talk about whatever i wanted to. But yeah, blogging will now forever remind me of my teacher, Mrs. Scott. She's the best. And i'm not mistaken, her birthday is in January. You know who else's birthday is in January? My dog, Missy. She'll be 10. We used to call her the millennium pup, because she was born in 2000. So when it was 2005, she turned 5, blah blah blah you get it. Alright, so thank you for listening to my rambling on and on. I have to write this song, and then maybe a book.

lotssssofloveeee!
Meagan