A one way ticket home.

You know you've changed when you hand up on your best friend, because you have something better to do.

maybe i'm not really the same person i was before.
before i moved.
before i signed.
before now.

out of all people, they've all been the most important.
the three who have brought this epiphany upon me,
the ones who helped me see that i need to change.

i used to be all about the moment.
i didn't care what time it was.
i did't care if i was late to a meeting,or late to filming.

i cared about where i was, and who i was with.
most importantly, i cared about how i treated other people.
lately, that's changed.

remember yesterday, when i blogged about the summer back home?
that's my home. not the house that i have in connecticut.
not the street i live on, or even the town.
the people, the experiences and events that have happened there are really what make me call it home.

through everything, those people are there for me.

through everything, i'm not there for them.

my best friend back home always talked to me about the problems here in LA.
the new people, the snobby people, the nice people.

my sister has always talked to me about the problems here in LA.

my mom has always talked to me about the problems here in LA.

these are the people i've let down most.

today on set, when i hung up on my best friend, i didn't see what was wrong.

my assistant, and good friend Jess, asked why i hung up on her.

"Well, i have to film, she can wait."

As the words came out of my mouth i realized what was happening.
i wasn't the same Meagan i was.

I called her back, and apologized, but she said the same thing that was going through my mind.

You've changed. What's wrong with you?

She hung up on me this time, and she had every right to.

i tried to clear my head, and take a walk, so i could finish the episode.

But after an hour or so, i realized what i needed to do.

i picked up my phone and dialed a familiar number.

"Hi, i need 5 tickets for JFK. Tomorrow, if possible."
"When will you be returning?"
"After however long it takes."

So i'm saying goodbye to LA for a while, and i'm going twitter free. So i'm leaving my laptop here, and my phone, and my ipod.

Sorry Lucy, you've always been there for me, and i'm not going to let you down.